23/11

Labels: , , - Monday, November 23, 2009

It's been so long since I actually posted a proper blog. I've missed blogging about miscellaneous things, though I have noticed that my vocabulary has taken a harsh hit, with my lack of reading and practice. Although it's awful that this has happened, I've come to many realisations during my time away. One in particular, which stands out is the fact that I'm going through a really bad bout of 'teenage angst'. It's affecting my life in sections such as family and friends, which is distressing, as I've become a much colder and meaner person. Or maybe I've become a hell of a lot more blunter... though I think assuming the worst is always good for me as I won't be disappointing myself if I'm wrong anyways.


I don't know if I'm really doing this properly, but recently I've been trying to think of everything through all perspectives. Though of course there will be bias, at least I'm trying. Which of course means I must but heads with my friends, concerning many aspects of life. Hence leading me to think that they judge me and see me through the eyes of lady distain, but it doesn't affect me as much as it would (or what I would've thought it would). This leads me to my other dilemma, which is the fact that my hormones are NOT driving me into the brink of insanity. Right now, I'm surrounded by hormonal teenagers who swoon over guys (and girls) though I myself feel nothing. Now I could say it's because I'm much more mature, but then I would be lying, and I try my best to keep these blogs as truthful as I'm comfortable with. At school, to hide my frustration I usually make the joke that I may be part plant i.e. Asexual, but in reality I'm just hoping that this is a phase through my teenage years. I'm really hoping this will pass soon. It's horrible feeling nothing, I see a 'hot' guy and I no longer react (the initial thought would be "he would make nice babies"-- totally normal...), and my previous celebrity crushes no longer apply. Unless it's a celebrity relation, in which I'm not involved at all but instead a third wheel or bystander.

Which then leads me to another point that has been bugging me to no end. The television program Glee. I really enjoy the series and I can barely stand to wait for the next episode, party because Jane Lynch (Sue Sylvester) is probably the best television character I've ever had the privilege to watch, I just love her blunt forwardness. I've come to the conclusion that she's probably one of the coolest coaches ever, though it would probably be horrible to actually have her as my coach. Anyways, I also love Glee because of two people: Puck and Quinn. They're probably my favourite rooting couple right now, because Puck is just so adorable towards Quinn. Basically it reflects my own freakish fantasy about love (very unrealistic may I add)-- minus the baby part of course. I just love how Puck the horrible bullying jock, is willing to turn over his whole life to support Quinn and their baby, and the idea that Quinn is torn between her boyfriend Finn and his best friend Puck.

Overall, Glee has all the things I love, jealousy, good-looking people (very shallow I know), romance and wit.

19/11

- Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Long time no post...


Well it's officially the start of Year 11 in term 4, but we're not actually allowed to begin Year 11 work yet so we're doing something called Enlightenment. Waste of time if you ask me, but it does make me feel very independent, which is cool I guess.

Anyways, I really just wanted to update this cobwebbed blog.

P.S. I'm reading Dracula, and it's very good (y).

P.P.S. I like Glee -- especially Sue Sylvester. She owns.

20/8

Labels: , , , , - Thursday, August 20, 2009

I've been on work experience for the past week, and I only have one day left. Darn why is work experience only 1 week? It makes me so much more sadder because I'm going to miss it so much. Back to reality I guess, harsh, cold and unforgiving. My friend says I'm suffering from withdrawal-like symptoms regarding my nostalgia towards the prospect of leaving work experience, and frankly I agree wholeheartedly. After going to my local vet for my work experience, I can confidently say, this is probably one of the happiest times of my life. I don't even mind picking up the cat and dog poo/pee, or washing up because it's fine when my supervisors treat me so nicely. They're like a new family that I've grown to love and it's only been about 4 days. Maybe it's wistful infatuation that I have for the Veterinary Clinic, but I'm happy that I met these people because right now they're one of the most important people in my life. Though I'm sure you're reading this thinking 'oh another emotional hormone driven child' and I can't deny that, yes you're probably right, but the emotions that I'm feeling now, I don't want to forget.


I've watched a couple of surgeries during my time in work experience (mainly castrations and spayings of cats, dogs and rabbits) and I'm actually not scared of blood which is a good thing. If I wish to pursue a career in Veterinary Science. I'm just sad that after the week's up, I'm probably never going to see these people ever again, and I know I haven't affected them much, but they've definitely shaped the person I'll be when I grow up. And it doesn't bother me the fact that I haven't imprinted much on them, because I'm probably not going to see them ever again but I don't want to forget. Is that a bad thing?

Being the person I am, I spent a lot of time with a fellow student who happen to go to the same work experience as myself and we were talking about relationships, she herself was struggling with a break up and found my analysis of their relationship (her and her ex) extremely helpful. Anyways, I won't go into detail with that because it's personal. But leading me to my next point, because I can't help but analyse things (no I'm not boasting, I need to state this so you'll understand), I've been thinking and though previously I was sure to ask for any form of employment within the Veterinary Clinic, now I'm not so sure. They have enough people within the Clinic to supervise and attend to all their animals, but I really want to go back (even if it's not for pay). I find time goes so fast when I'm in the clinic, and I've gotten a lot fitter (after mopping/sweeping so much etc.)

Well, I'm going to make the most of tomorrow, and hopefully I never forget this experience I'm given.

08/08

Labels: , , , , - Saturday, August 8, 2009

Hmm well my birthday wasn't that long ago. It wasn't very good, but compared to others I bet it was really good. All I did all day was study, though I did go out at night for a meal with the family (plus one-- though I didn't invite this person he was my father's friend). The restaurant really wasn't worth my time which could've been well spent studying. The food was horrid and dry and when I looked under the table I realised we were eating on a mahjong table with a circular piece of wood on it. No wonder the room was so small, had no windows and everything smelt like cigarette smoke. Oh well, it was nice to spend it with my family (though my parents didn't talk to me throughout the whole dinner they were talking to their friend). But it was a good experience, now I know next year, I don't want to celebrate. Just a nice cake and a dinner at home is good enough for me. The cake was also horrible too, though I liked it because it was a mud cake. My sister and my parents said it wasn't fresh or something along those lines.


Anyways, today I spent most of my day studying (ie. doing tutoring homework). I realised I spend a large part of my life mulling over this horrible stuff, though I hope it helps me in the long run. It's fun if I know how to do it, but terrible when I don't, because I get scared to ask my sister (she gets angry I think). Every week I can't do a portion of my homework and it always bothers me. Sometimes when I have a lot of tutoring homework it takes me about 10 hours (no joke I counted like a prison inmate), but most of the time it's about 7 hours. I know it sounds like a lot, but when you span it out over about 2 - 3 days, it's alright.

I've also realised, life isn't really worth living until you grow old. Well I came to this conclusion a couple of years ago, but I've revisited it today while endeavoring upon the beast that is my maths homework. When we're children we go to school, when we're teens we go to high school (and hopefully complete HSC-- or whatever other countries call it), when we're adults we work for money and income and hopefully develop a family, as we grow older we take care of our children and keep working. Finally, when we're old we finally get the time to do nothing, or do whatever we want. But by then we're already rotting and decomposing, which really sucks. Well, I think I'm going to make the most of my life and make lots of money so I can buy material things and hopefully raise a nice small family and also help others (though I doubt it knowing myself-- I don't like to kid and lie to myself).

Hmm... which leads me to the idea of when people say: "I care for the rest of the world!" Most people kid themselves, and really don't. I try my best not to do that, which is why whenever my friends ask me "Will you save me if i was going to fall off a cliff?" I always answer "No". Yes it may be extremely blunt and mean, but I don't want them to expect me to help them if that scenario was to come true. It's what I always try and live my life by (notice I say 'try' because I don't like to kid myself that I always do it). Wow I've been saying 'kid' a lot lately.

Ahh well... my rant is finished... and that little bit at the end was weird. But whatever, I try to never delete things that come out (unless they're typos). If it comes out, then I post it. So it's always near truth-- unless I keep it inside of course.

24/7

Labels: - Thursday, July 23, 2009

Hahaha, this blog will begin with an apology for the last blog because I think I was blinded by rage thus the crazy sounding blog. You know what they say, pressure and stress brings out the best of us. Or something like that.


Anyways, I'm going back to school soon so I should really just post one last blog before I go. I mean, I don't want to leave on a bad/crazy note so it's just another random rant about something. Which I'm thinking about right at this moment as I type. Though there isn't much inspiration to ride upon right now.

Oh, I've got it. So I've been wondering, why do we (humans) like some colours, yet hate/dislike others? Well as I was mulling this issue over, during lunch I thought to myself. It must be as a result of association with each colour. Using myself as an example, I dislike the colour pink as it fits into the stereotype of a girl though I like darker more cool colours such as grey and blue as they seem to be more neutral to me. Though for some reason that I can't explain my favourite colour is green, hmm maybe some more mulling will do me good. Hmm, it seems this blog is getting nowhere fast, and it isn't much better than my last one. Well at least I don't sound as insane in this blog.

Well actually, I probably do... well time to wrap this little blog up. Very short indeed. Maybe I'll update when something actually interesting happens...

20/7

Labels: , , - Monday, July 20, 2009

Warning: The following may not agree with your own views, thus I must give you prior notice of such content. Please read with an open mind and think of both sides of the argument before making a decision.

Edit: Sorry this whole document is mainly anger filled but I've got a new thing to be angry about now. But that's for next time (or not)

Recently, I've been having arguments with various people about the topic of if humans are indeed corrupted. Now, I've been reading through various articles and one struck me. It stated that humans are either: extremely talented actors who try their best to bluff themselves as well as others to the idea that they are law abiding caring beings, or undoubtedly evil underneath all their beliefs. Well probably from the way I'm putting things you may (or may not) have realised that I actually believe that humans are evil and are just shrouding themselves to the truth. Though I don't want to come out as one of those crazy people who would do almost anything to prove this. It's just that recently I've found that acceptance may be hard, but it clears the head in some cases. I know most people would shrink away from being called 'weak' or 'conforming' but I embrace such terms. (Wow I'm sounding freaky even to myself) Anyways, I think those who label themselves as being 'non-conformist' and who actually care about the world are really bluffing themselves, as probably 9 out of the 10 people don't really believe it deep inside.

I know I didn't when I used to be pro-everything-good-in-the-world, though now I think being in these teenage years, I've lost hope for humanity and its attempt to be 'saintly'. Of course, I respect people and their own perspectives (which is why I'm not one of those people who would attack you for having a different opinion) as I think, this is what makes our world go round. I mean, when I think about it... how boring would the world be without all the problems we have? It would be like a bleached version of The Stepford Wives. Though those who are suffering may be unthankful to my opinion, I understand where they too are coming from. I mean who wants to be in such a position of starvation/racism/religious persecution etc. Though I'm just saying, without our problems our world would be extremely boring, and we'd just manipulate one another into corruption once again. Which links back to the idea that humans are indeed weak. Then again when I think about it, every living thing would probably have such a weakness too. So really it's not a weakness anymore. Though humans seem to exploit this weakness more, for example: training animals, creating laws etc. It's all about boxing and conforming us, but it keeps the world running.

Hmm... I think if I read this again another day, I would think I'm crazy. Well... it's more for venting my thoughts. Sometimes I hope for a better world, only because I know if I don't I'll probably curse myself into such a life (fate is fickle). So it proves at least I'm weak and I'm able to accept it and not joke to myself. A pet peeve of mine would be people's inability to accept it.

12/7

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , - Saturday, July 11, 2009

SNSD's new 'Marine' concept...


VS. SNSD's innocent 'Girl-Next-Door' look.


Wow, it's been a really long time since I blogged something. I think I almost forgot my password. Though I'm thinking of posting again during these remaining 2 weeks of holidays.

I mean, all my passwords are alike in some way (to try to make it easier to remember) though I think it just makes it harder. With all of the alike, I end up mixing them up and then forgetting all of them altogether.

So anyways, I'm beginning my last term of year 10 and I've chosen my year 11 subjects. Which is always a blast, though everyone has been commenting on how boring and hard my subjects seem to be. So here's a list of it:
- 3U Mathematics
- 3U English
- 2U Economics
- 2U Chemistry
- 2U Physics
- 1U Religion (mandatory)

Since I've chosen these subjects, I've tried to give myself as much of a wide variety of pathways for my future as possible. Excluding arts, since I really don't think that I would really want to pursue something artistic in the future. Though the idea of if I'm smart enough to actively participate in these subjects has been another nagging issue on my mind.

As I've never been the mathematics whiz kid, I think I would struggle in 3U Mathematics and 2U Physics, as being asian my parents have forced the idea of 3U Mathematics upon me. Now according to a booklet I received from my school about Universities in Australia as well as my own preference for a career in the future. I think that my subjects would be the best choice for my future occupation (University wise).

This is my plan of the future (in order of preference):
1. Veterinary Science - though most people say it's a really hard course and takes heaps of dedication. (CSU - Double degree)

2. Psychology - well like the guy (I think his name was Smeets or Sweets or something) in the television show Bones or the show Lie To Me.

3. Anesthesiologist - I would assume they would learn about pain and how it is registered in the mind or something like that... I haven't really read through it but it sounds pretty interesting to learn about.

So that's what has happened so far at school... Oh yeah and I failed a quiz in my tutoring college so my parents are biting my ass to study more. Little do they know I have a ton of school work to do in the holidays too...

I had a friend who recently transferred back to her original school in Korea. She was a hell of a good student, who finished all her work a while before it would be due. And I swear she had a computer for a brain, she could memorise anything, which was awesome. It makes me envy her, though she was also a good friend of mine. It kind of makes me feel sad, because now we're probably not going to talk to each other much anymore. Though it's just another learning curb isn't it?

PS. For a while now I've been obsessed with this Korean girl band called SNSD (Girl's Generation) and recently they released their new album 'Genie'. Though I must say it wasn't as good as their song 'Gee', their new hit 'Sowoneul Malhaebwa' (Genie) is pretty catchy. Even if I'm not Korean, I quite like their songs. Though their new concept kind of mixes up their whole 'innocent girl-next-door' look. But they're so pretty in their marine outfits!!

And I've also started liking a Korean boy band called 2PM, especially their song 'Again and Again'. Apparently there's also a band called 2AM, which I think is funny.

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